Coming from the East

A week from today I return to my church. I have been going to a Unitarian Universalist church for seven years now and I always look forward to the homecoming service. The service that welcomes the congregation and the minister back from a summer away that ritualizes the occasion with a special water ceremony.

Next Sunday our minister, Reverend Jan, will ask us, the congregation, what direction we are entering from in the sanctuary. If I say the north, I am letting her know I am in a moment of stillness and hibernation.  A time for turning inward and taking stock.

On the other hand, if I say I am entering the sanctuary from the south, I am sharing with Reverend Jan that I am feeling energetic and expressive.  I am in doing mode. Traveling, celebrating, socializing.

Or, I could be rejoining the community from the west. A preparation time for endings and closure. Organizing the remains of the season as I recognize and honor the end of and era.

But, in fact, I will not be coming from any of the above, I will be entering the sanctuary from the east- the place of beginnings.

Over the spring and summer my family and I were making several transitions. My son turned 5 years old and graduated from preschool. I returned to my work as a psychotherapist from maternity leave and with that transition I became acquainted with my new supervisor and said farewell, in a matter of speaking, with my former supervisor. And my 9 month old daughter began her new routine spending Monday through Friday work days with her grandparents.

All of these changes happened in the last 3-6 months. And theses changes are not bad or negative per se. Just change none the less. Something I am remarkably terrible at. As in, when the Buddha was spending all that time speaking and teaching on impermanence, it was actually done with me in mind.

And now that you fully understand how difficult change is for me, I will tell you, I honestly think I did okay. There were feelings of sadness and loss and nostalgia and pain. And there is no doubt i was planted firmly in the west, the direction of endings and sunsets.

My heart gets heavy now just thinking about it.

But, this weekend, for the first time, I am feeling a corner has turned. I have now arrived in the east. A new beginning. I feel incredibly refreshed and renewed, not to sound like a maxi pad commercial. But seriously, I actually feel more awake and energetic. More alive. And to be concrete, i cleaned out my house of toys and clothes and objects that are no longer needed or used. I also took my son kayaking with me for the first time (he sat between my legs) and my baby girl swimming for the first time. I even christened us by walking in the hot summer rain last evening with them. Something I loved to do as a child, but haven't done in years.

Oh, And let's not forget my brand new blog!

So, for the month of September i am going to be full on in new beginnings. New routine in the morning with my now kindergarten-going son. New class I am starting called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. I feel I have turned a corner. And it feels good. I may even have to do a few Sun Salutations tomorrow morning in my yoga practice as a way to express my gratitude to the east.