Radical Compassion

I have begun to think of holidays as a time to focus on a particular virtue that I want to cultivate, nurture and celebrate.  For example: Christmas: joy and kinship, Valentine’s Day: love and friendship, Thanksgiving: gratitude and simplicity. I have also contemplated and sometimes included the virtues I value during the passing of holidays I do not myself celebrate; like devotion for Ramadan and forgiveness for Yom Kippur. 

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.  As you may know, I am not a Christian, but my husband and his family are, so I will be feasting with them.  But while enjoying the yummies (candy, mashed potatoes and the like), I will also be holding up the virtue of compassion in my heart- a virtue embodied by Jesus Christ.

I saw Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher and activist Thich Nhat Hahn say to Oprah Winfrey in an interview that he thought of Jesus Christ as the “Buddha of the West.” I found this to be an interesting statement in the context of compassion as both Jesus Christ and the historical Buddha both arguably exemplified and modeled compassion as a virtue to be refined through spiritual practice.

For me, I used to think I was beginning to grasp and practice compassion too.  In my work as a social worker and psychotherapist.  As a parent. As a Unitarian Universalist.  As a bleeding heart liberal. Any and all of the above.

But this week I listened to stories of individuals who seem to be practicing compassion in a totally different league than I am.  These folks have taken the idea of “suffering with” to a level I deeply admire and respect, but have not yet touched upon myself.  Which, in all fairness to Jesus Christ and the historical Buddha, based on the stories told and retold, it would appear they did as well.  Therefore, it seems fitting that I call what they do, versus what I do, by a different name: radical compassion.

What is radical compassion? Well, for me, it is one of those concepts that “I know it when I see it.” Compassion itself could be defined this way as described by Judith Lasater in her book  Living Your Yoga in regards to compassion towards our children:

It is “To be willing not to judge their behavior, but to try to see the situation from their points of view.  This does not mean I forfeit my opinion on the most effective course of action they might choose. Rather, I have the intention to truly feel the situation from their narrow views, thus stepping back from my own narrow view.”

I like this pragmatic, rubber meets the road definition for compassion.  And I like that it starts with: to be willing, because, honestly, I think that is half the battle with compassion practice.

But now let me share some examples of what I see as radical compassion that I learned about this week.

The first example was seen in a video of a father who had had his first grade son killed in the Sandyhook Elementary School shooting in2012.  Earlier in the week I was looking over a new website on mysticism and I was led to a video link of this father in a retreat setting interview asking Thich Nhat Hahn how acts of violence like the one that had taken his son be prevented in the future.

There were several aspects of this interview that were amazing to me, but one of them was the sheer timing of it.  This conversation took place in August, 2013 which was only 8 months after the school shooting.  I myself will have a 1^st grader in the fall, and I can tell you with near certainty, if god forbid I was put in that father’s shoes, I would have nowhere near his capacity to be as radically compassionate with himself (as to bring himself to a meditation retreat which he actually said was his first ever), but then to be willing to use the sacred time to discuss the prevention of more violence and suffering was astounding to me.

Thich Nhat Hahn of course had a response that was equally compassionate, but after reading many of his books and watching him or listening to him speak (in videos), I’ve grown to expect that level of radical compassion from him. Sorry Thay…

The second example of radical compassion from this week came from my favorite radio show that I’m always writing about, On Being from NPR.  It was an interview I had actually listened to before with Father Greg Boyle who talked about his ministry working with gang members in Los Angeles.  I found this time though, the second time, I was even more moved and impressed upon with Father Boyle’s capacity for radical compassionate action- even beginning with his take on what compassion is in the context of his ministry.  He said:

“the measure of our compassion lies not in our service of those on the margins, but in our willingness to see ourselves in kinship. So that means the decided movement towards awe and giant steps away from judgment…How can we seek really a compassion that can stand in awe at what people have to carry rather than stand in judgment at how they carry it?... You're trying to imitate the kind of God you believe in. You want to move away from whatever is tiny-spirited and judgmental, as I mentioned. But you want to be as spacious as you can be that you can have room for stuff and love is all there is and love is all you are, you know. And you want people to recognize the truth of who they are, that they're exactly what God had in mind when God made them.”

To use Father Boyle’s words, I experienced “awe” in listening to his perspective that was clearly so much more than that to him, more akin to a mission, which was deeply inspiring to me.  As I consider how I might embody these words in my work and in my parenting, the phrase “standing on the shoulders of giants” comes to mind.

But then, within the same NPR interview, there was another example of radical compassion.  In the interview Father Boyle tells the story of one of the young people he works with named Jose who was once at a training of social workers with Father Boyle as a co-presenter.  And in that training, Father Boyle said Jose shared these words to a roomful of 600 social workers:

“I was ashamed of my wounds. I didn't want anybody to see them. But now my wounds are my friends. I welcome my wounds. I run my fingers over my wounds…How can I help the wounded if I don't welcome my own wounds?"

To me, this is another clear example of radical compassion that is compassionate toward self and other.  This is someone who has come to such deep reconciliation of all things within (and without) that he is now able to give of himself generously and freely in a way that does not jeopardize the balances internally. I think that level of penetrating radical compassion toward self is a reflection of deep radical acceptance of self which in turn leads to an ability to go further and deeper with others without losing yourself in the process.

I know I’m not a Christian, but in the end, isn’t that what the life of Jesus was there to teach us?  All of us, Christian and non-Christian alike.   As Father Boyle concludes in the interview: “Well, if you presume that God is compassionate, loving-kindness, all we're asked to do in the world is to be in the world who God is.”

On that note, how might you honor and celebrate radical compassion this weekend?