"Unknowing" Can be Liberating

There are some spiritual and religious phrases that I don’t entirely get, but I like them just the same.  “The Cloud of Unknowing” is one of them.

This phrase is actually the title of a Christian text from the 14^th century by an anonymous author, and it is thought to be based in Christian Mysticism.

This spiritual manuscript has influenced generations of theologians since its birth, and to my understanding, its underlying message (which is admittedly limited at best) is that we must surrender all of our concepts of god in order to align with god.  Or, in other words, we must let go of all that we think we know to be true, in order to know truth.

I think this idea is similar to the Buddhist slogan: "If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha," and if this idea is "true," then for me “The Cloud of Unknowing” is both bad news and good news.

The bad news is: my tendency to over-analyze and over-intellectualize will not be of help with this one.

In the realm of the spiritual life, I’m learning that, to quote a recent Meditation teacher, Michael Grady, “I can’t think my way to happiness.”

However, the good news is: there is tremendous opportunity for freedom in letting it all go.

I actually don’t have to have it all figured out, and man, is that liberating!

So on days like today--when fatigue is dominant, when my meditation practice seems to take the effort of 10 elephants pushing cement up a hill, when my over-all attitude is that of discouragement, doubt and general grumpiness,  and I feel like I am just kind of dragging my body around--I can actually hold tight.

I can know that I don’t know.

That whatever I’m feeling or experiencing in this moment will sooner or later transform into the feeling and experience of the next moment because in this universe the laws of impermanence rule, and it is my job to just skillfully ride the wave.

And maybe, maybe, every so often, during one of those hundreds and hundreds of rides, I might glimpse a sense of union with what I call god (lower case “g”).

In the meantime, I will keep practicing what my teacher Michael called "gentle perseverance" and patience which he defined as the opposite of teeth gritting. "Patience is softer, it's bigger. It sees the big picture so that it allows you to be with- to hold the experience."

May it be so.

How do you understand “The Cloud of Unknowing?”

[Photo by Claire Olsen]

Reclaiming Religion

On my drive home from work yesterday I saw a billboard on the side of the highway that read:

“Repent. The day of the Lord is near.”

These words were written on a back drop of a black and red inferno.

I was not surprised by this billboard. On a pretty regular basis there are a handful of billboards lining the highway with some version of Christian Scripture or Christian belief system. (And I’m not even in the Bible Belt of America!)

So it was not the billboard itself that caught my attention.

What got me yesterday was the black and red inferno which I inferred to be symbol of hell with a message of fear and intimidation to “get my act together, or else…”

I found myself judging this message and this billboard, and then I tuned my attention back to the news story I was listening to on the radio at the same time.

It was an interview with a grief-stricken mother who had lost her 18 year-old college bound daughter in the Orlando shooting last Saturday by someone who appears to have been a very confused and intrapsychically conflicted young, 1^st generation-American, Afghan Muslim man who described himself as “inspired” by The Islamic State, the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombing, and the 2015 and San Bernardino Shooting .

In that moment, the juxtaposition of what I was seeing on the billboard and what I was hearing on the radio became quite synergistic in the way that the two experiences came together for me, and I was reminded of this quote from the novel The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd:

“History is not just facts and events. History is also a pain in the heart and we repeat history until we are able to make another’s pain in the heart our own.”

For those of you who have not yet this book (though I highly recommend it!), it is a fictionalized piece of 19^th century American history intertwining the lives of two well-off, White, Southern sisters who rebelled against slavery and misogyny as active abolitionists and early women’s rights activists in the United States, with a Black enslaved woman and her family who ultimately escape to freedom.

Being reminded of this quotation and this ultra-American story (though largely ignored by the cannon) brought me back to a larger historical context about the way in which individuals and groups have claimed “religious reasons” for the oppression and harm of others for millennia, and quite frankly, it pisses me off.

(So I guess you could say I have moved from sadness to anger in Kubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief…)

When I finally arrived home last night, after this odd and slightly surreal experience while driving, I continued to contemplate (or maybe stew) about other historical examples of groups mis-using and abusing the role of faith and religion for their own political, economic and/or institutional agenda, and as an American, for me this history is largely in the Christian tradition.

I began to reflect on Manifest Destiny and the genocide of Native Americans as a way to steal territory in  North America all the way to the Pacific Ocean.  I thought about the use of the Christian Bible to authorize the bondage of African Slaves in order to build a viable economic system in early America and the Caribbean.  I recalled a piece of history I had learned, but had never been taught in my early education, that early American Protestants were known to burn Catholics alive in the town square.  I thought about the Salem Witch Trials, and the use of the Christian Bible to rationalize the preservation of a legal and economic system that excluded the entire female sex in the United States until 1920. 

I was reminded of a quote from a film I have written about in this very blog called The Way in which one of the characters, a writer from Ireland, refuses to enter any of the gorgeous Spanish Cathedrals by reasoning,

“Where I come from, the Church has a lot to answer for…temples of tears. I don’t go in them anymore.”

This led me to think about Europe and the Crusades, the Dark Ages, the political choices of the Vatican, the Spanish Inquisition, and the way20th Century Fascist Dictators around the world have claimed “religious reasons” (and I include fanatical atheism in this group too because certainly Joseph Stalin would fall into this category) for atrocities from mass rape of women, destruction of religious and spiritual architecture, forced relocation, internment camps, ethnic cleansing, and of course all out warfare.

I thought about all of individual stories I have been told over the past 13 years working in psychotherapy that involved a woman, child or man being targeted by their very own religious group for the purposes of being hurt or harmed with the implication that the abuse was sanctioned by something “religious” or “holy.”

I called to mind the abuses of power for the purposes of sex, particularly with women, by gurus and yoga founders like Bikram Choudhury

(Bikram Yoga), Amrit Desai (original founder of Kripalu Center),  and Trungpa Rinpoche ( Tibetan Lama and teacher of the author and teacher Pema Chodron), and the more recent multiple charges of sexual assault and rape that have come to light specifically against BikramChoudhury in the context of Yoga Teacher Training events and classes .

Yes, there is so much anger…

Yes my blood boils when individuals or groups use religious language, religious philosophy and religious text to rationalize inhumane behavior.

Yet here’s the kicker, and many people in my own life do not agree with me on this point, I do not believe that we, as progressive and evolving human beings, need to abandon organized religion and spiritual faith in order to eliminate the threat of more violence, oppression and abuse of power.

In fact, I believe religions should be reclaimed by those who find them to be a meaningful “packages” (to borrow a word from author and professor Reverend Barbara Brown Taylor) for connection to soul, spirit and community in a way that nourishes the life of the individual, but does not hinder or harm the lives of others.

Ironically for me, I take heart in more modern aspects of Christianity, though I’m not a Christian. 

For example, I am very moved by historical religious individuals like Dorothy Day (1897 –1980)

who was an American journalist, social activist, and Catholic convert.

I am also encouraged by those still working and living amongst us like Jean Vanier,

who is a Catholic philosopher, theologian and humanitarian who founded an international federation of communities for people with developmental disabilities called L'Arche , and progressive Jesuits like author Rev. James Martin, S.J. and Rev. Greg Boyle, S.J. who founded HomeBoy Industries in Los Angeles for former gang members.

I am inspired by Liberation Theology which spread throughout Latin America in particular as a means to explore the Christian faith and doctrine for the purposes of empowering the poorest amongst us.

I find lightness and humor in the laughter of faith of leaders like South African Anglican Bishop Desmond Tutu

who not only survived South African Apartheid, but then led the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to help his people find a way to grieve this traumatic period of their history as a community.  I come back again and again to his words from an NPR interview:

There's no question about the reality of evil, of injustice, of suffering, but at the center of this existence is a heart beating with love. You know, that you and I and all of us are incredible. I mean, we really are remarkable things that we are, as a matter of fact, made for goodness. And it's not a smart aleck thing to say; it's just a fact. Because all of us, even when we have degenerated, know that the wrong isn't what we should be, isn't what we should be doing. We're fantastic. I mean, we really are amazing.

This sentiment, posed by this man, leads me to believe that perhaps Western Buddhist teacher and author Sharon Salzberg 

is correct when she says: “We can always begin again.” Perhaps these examples from just one religion, Christianity, demonstrate this phoenix-from-the-ashes possibility that is available to all religions. 

I take heart in my own religion, Unitarian Universalism. 

In one of our texts, A Chosen Faith, by UU authors and leaders John A. Buehrens and Forrest Church, it is noted that there are several core values in our religion that guide an individual for a free search for truth that does not hurt or harm others.

We believe in the freedom of religious expression. All individuals should be encouraged to develop a personal theology, and to openly present their religious opinions without fear of censure or reprisal. We believe in tolerance of religious ideas. The religions of every age and culture have something to teach those who listen…We believe in the worth and dignity of each human being.  All people on earth have an equal claim to life, liberty, and justice; no idea, ideal, or philosophy is superior to a single human life.

I find these words inspiring and hopeful for the future of organized religion.

What individuals and words bring you hope for a humane and progressive future for religions?

In Moments of Despair: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

 This past weekend I attended a talk by author Thomas Moore.  He spoke to the audience about cultivating a life of spirit and soul, and  the need for more active attention toward what is “soul-full” and far less attention toward what is “soul-less.” 

He went on to comment that the emphasis of the 20^th century was undoubtedly technology, which led to a vast series of unequivocal technological fruits born of this endeavor. 

However, with our eye toward the A-Bomb, Assault Rifles, Nuclear Warheads, Dish Washers, Toaster Ovens, Pharmaceuticals, BMW’s, Airplanes, Skateboards, Solar Panels, Biodiesel, Televisions, DVD Players, Cloning, Genetic Testing, Elipticals, the Internet, Tablets, and Cell Phones, we may have neglected the cultivation of the very necessary psychological and spiritual skills human beings need to share a planet together--all 6 Billion of us—while we figure out how to use (or not use) these pieces of technology wisely and mindfully.

The mass shooting at the nightclub Pulse in Orlando, Florida this weekend is another painful reminder of this reality.

Of all the skills required for co-habitation and co-existing, to my mind, the most important is the ability to act without harming self or other- to act non-violently.

There is an assumption that people (men, women and children) either:

a.) already know how to be non-violent, or

b.) are not capable of being non-violent.

I don’t believe either are true.  I think human beings are capable of non-violent action with skills training.

Yet, even though I believe this--even though I know this to be true-- I can still fall into deep despair when I hear that more people have lost their lives due to hate, ignorance, hopelessness, and violence. 

Whether it is a middle aged man who takes his own life because he is unable to provide for his family, or an unarmed young Black person caught in the wrong place at the wrong time looking down the barrel of a police officer’s gun, or a child going into their first grade classroom at  9 a.m. on a Tuesday never to walk out again, or a French woman getting on the subway to go to work and never arriving, or a teenage girl who cuts her own wrist to avoid emotional pain, or a woman tormented by her spouse in her own home, or an Army Sergeant doing drills at Fort So-and-So and being confronted by a disenfranchised colleague, or a disabled child being severely bullied by their peers on the playground, or a member of the LGBTQ community spending a Saturday night out with friends on Latin Night at their favorite club when a well-armed 29 year-old decides to use this club to carry-out god knows what…

Yes, I can despair. Yes, my heart breaks.

For this reason, I find it helpful, and sometimes necessary, to re-read words that are nourishing and hopeful that our human species will wake up and rise to what we are capable of in this one precious human life.

Today, these words are those of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Read these words Slowly.  Carefully.  And With Heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,

begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.

Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.

Through violence you may murder the liar,

but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.

Through violence you may murder the hater,

but you do not murder hate.

In fact, violence merely increases hate.

So it goes.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,

adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness:

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?

Expediency asks the question - is it politic?

Vanity asks the question - is it popular?

But conscience asks the question - is it right?

And there comes a time when one must take a position

that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular;

but one must take it because it is right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nonviolence is the answer

to the crucial political and moral questions of our time:

the need for man to overcome oppression and violence

without resorting to oppression and violence.

Man must evolve for all human conflict

a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation.

The foundation of such a method is love.

***Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech,

Stockholm, Sweden, December 11, 1964

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A nation that continues year after year

to spend more money on military defense

than on programs of social uplift

is approaching spiritual death.

***Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?, 1967

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man was born into barbarism

when killing his fellow man

was a normal condition of existence.

He became endowed with a conscience.

And he has now reached the day

when violence toward another human being

must become as abhorrent as eating another's flesh.

***Why We Can't Wait, 1963

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow this madness must cease.

We must stop now.

I speak as a child of God and brother

to the suffering poor of Vietnam.

I speak for those whose land is being laid waste,

whose homes are being destroyed,

whose culture is being subverted.

I speak for the poor in America

who are paying the double price

of smashed hopes at home

and death and corruption in Vietnam.

I speak as a citizen of the world,

for the world as it stands aghast

at the path we have taken.

I speak as an American

to the leaders of my own nation.

The great initiative in this war is ours.

The initiative to stop it must be ours.

***The Trumpet of Conscience, 1967

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate;

only love can do that.

Hate multiplies hate,

violence multiplies violence,

and toughness multiplies toughness

in a descending spiral of destruction....

The chain reaction of evil --

hate begetting hate,

wars producing more wars --

must be broken,

or we shall be plunged

into the dark abyss of annihilation.

***Strength To Love, 1963

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like anybody, I would like to live a long life.

Longevity has its place.

But I'm not concerned about that now.

I just want to do God's will.

And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.

And I've looked over.

And I've seen the promised land.

I may not get there with you.

But I want you to know tonight,

that we, as a people will get to the promised land.

***I've Been To The Mountaintop, April 3, 1968

Re-reading Dr. King's words remind me of Metta or Loving-Kindness Meditation. 

I think this week I will commit to practice Metta Meditation everyday as a way to bring my own awareness to the ways in which I may act, speak and engage psychologically from a non-harming, non-violent perspective because I truly believe it is a skill we all are capable of and we all must practice. Again and again.

May it be so.

Kindred Spirits: Mary Oliver

In my UU church service this weekend I was introduced to a Mary Oliver poem that I had never heard before.  It was called:  When I am Among the Trees.

In the service, the poem was set beautifully to music by the church choir which I unfortunately cannot replicate for you here.

But the poem itself goes like this:

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

Hearing this poem was like listening to the words of another kindred spirit.

Now that the New England season has transitioned to its too early warm summer temperatures, my meditation practice has shifted to. 

In the winter months my primary object, where I gather my attention in insight meditation, is on my breath.  However, in the summer, with my back door open, I use sound as my primary object of meditation, and often, the sound is of tree leaves swishing in the light breeze.

I particularly enjoyed this seasonal shift in my object of meditation recently at my first overnight mindfulness meditation retreat.

On this retreat I tried out forest meditation for the first time in this little, screened-in one-woman cabin.

It was a novel experience for me to have my primary object of meditation, sound, be surrounding me so fully, 360 degrees in fact.  And, as it was a forest, the subtle and not-so-subtle movements of the woodlands were the most precious to me.

Perhaps Ms. Oliver would have enjoyed the practice too...

How about you?