I began a more formal meditation practice in July, 2011. And when I did, and ever since until 3 weeks ago, I generally practiced in the traditional way by sitting on the floor on the edge of a folded up blanket. It's not that I didn't want a meditation cushion to use. It would have been nice. I had always enjoyed the firmness of a bolster under my tookis when sitting in prayer at the end of a yoga class. But I had not yet bought one.
Something always held me back. Some of those somethings, just to name a few, were, and this is in no particular order:
A. Worthiness, I've always had some difficulty buying stuff for myself.
B. Feeling hesitant to "officially" buy a meditation cushion because it felt like I was declaring myself "a meditator" rather than someone who meditates. Kind of like someone labeling themselves a "writer" rather than someone who enjoys writing. It felt like expectations of pressure and discipline would present themselves, along with a little dose of shame in the form of Brene Brown's "who do you think you are?"
C. Space. My little ranch house is runneth over with stuff from the 2 big people and 2 little people who inhabit it. My meditation practice is certainly not in some gorgeous meditation room that is solely mine, the quintasential Virginia Wolf "room of one's own." Though I absolutely have that on my bucket list!
And D. I didn't want to jinx myself. I had had so many trials of starting a practice and giving up after a pretty short period of time, that this go-round I didn't want to think about it too much. I just wanted to jump in and do it. Kind of like not going out and buying new sneakers and a cute outfit if you want to start exercising. Once you do all that it is nearly guaranteed you will not succeed.
Despite all this, 3+ years later, about a month ago, despite my A, B, C and D, I went on amazon and bought the meditation cushion of my dreams. I got one that is firm, purple (I love purple!) and extra large for my ample caboose.
But here's the quite predictable punchline: since buying it, I have had the opportunity to sit on it, you guessed it: Once! Once.
Now, my cat Billie, as seen in the picture above has found it to be a lovely bed. My 5 year-old son has found it to be the perfect shape, size and texture for having a catch like with a medicine ball at the gym. My 15 month-old daughter has found it to be very helpful as a stepstool for her to climb up onto the couch and ottoman and all the other hard to reach places that she has wanted to explore but been previously unable to get a leg up. So, it's not to say that I wasted that $50 plus tax and shipping. On the contrary, all the members of my family but my husband, and that is probably just a matter of time, have found my new meditation cushion to be quite fun and handy.
So, let's cut to the chase: what did I learn? Don't take it all too seriously. Laugh. Enjoy humor and irony and best intentions. This is not rocket science or some exam. I see meditation as a means to improve the quality, fullness and meaning of my life however long or short it may be. And by god, humor and laughter certainly do that just as well, maybe even better.
How about you? What in your life can you take less seriously today? Where can you just sit back and laugh?
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