Letting Go of Judgment

I said to my husband yesterday that former catholics remind me of recovering smokers.  Now, before I offend my Catholic readers and my readers who used to smoke, though I may be too late for that, I must tell you that nearly all of my favorite people, including my children's god mothers were both raised Catholic and are former smokers. I realize I sound like a Seinfeld episode (my best friend is...) but it is still true.

My remark to my husband came after a baptism of our good friends' son held at a beautiful, if somewhat modern, Catholic Church last Sunday. We were driving out of the parking lot and I, the non-Catholic, was commenting on all the pieces of the ceremony and the church that I found personally moving and meaningful. But my husband, who was raised Catholic, was boo-hooing the ceremony with minor things like the clichéd long length of the service. Which makes sense, who knows how many long-winded priests he had to listen to while growing up. But it still seemed critical. Similar, in my experience, to how critical former smokers are of current smokers- far more critical than I who never smoked.

I think it can be hard to pull out the threads of an experience that are helpful and let go of the rest. It certainly is for me. And I've had to work at it for many (many!) years. But, I have to give myself credit and say, I've gotten better.

On Sunday at the baptism I certainly heard the part of the ceremony where the priest spoke about "baptized babies go to heaven" and when he asked the families to say in chorus that they "reject satan." Two ideas I personally reject. But I was also able to appreciate this gorgeous statue of Jesus Christ behind the priest in which his chest was turned upward toward the sky, his arms were thrown backward, and his head tilting back.  It reminded me of all the open-hearted yoga poses I have ever learned, and if nothing else, Jesus was open-hearted from everything I've heard.

I also enjoyed the elderly priest's sense of humor and found it quite intriguing to hear he had been a marine in an earlier life. Learning that tip of the iceberg forced me to avoid pigeon-holing the priest into one small box just because it is the easy thing to do when we are in a judgmental stance or mindset.

And lest we not forget, the stained glass windows. I love stained glass windows. I carried my one year-old daughter to them and she made her "this is amazing" face with her mouth hanging open and big round eyes. She reached out her hand to touch the colored, cool glass. The esthetic beauty of a Catholic Church reminded me of a saying I had heard once.  I was told, though I never confirmed it myself, in the Koran it is written: "god loves beauty. God is beauty." Having sat in the sterile Congregational Church for several years in childhood, I have always found the attention to the senses (visual, touch, taste, smell, hearing) in a Catholic mass and a Cathedral much more stimulating and worthy- a word that is the basis of "worship."

So how do we train ourselves to be nonjudgmental as we walk through our lives? So that we don't rule out or filter out a potentially meaningful experience just based on the little bit we can see or know on the outset? According to Mindfulness guru Jon Kabat-Zinn, taking a nonjudgmental stance is critically important and is something we can train in to get better at through mindfulness.

Twentieth century monastic Thomas Merton said true freedom, which would include freedom from our own viewpoints and narrow opinions, comes when we follow god's will. Now, "god's will" is still a term that I am trying to wrap my brain around- though I haven't yet...But I think it is fully participating in your own life and reality as it unfolds before you. The good. The bad. And the ugly.

One more way I've read recently to combat the magnetic pull of judgment is "Radical Openness."  I read this turn of phrase in a book I have referred to often in this blog: "One Buddha is not Enough."  A compilation of chapters written by monastics and lay people who follow the teachings of Vietnamese Buddhist Thich Nhat Hahn. When I read these words: radical openness, I felt something shift inside of me. Almost like a voice inside of me quietly said a drawn out "Yyyyeeeesss."  A deep resonating. With the word "radical" meaning fully and completely. A letting go of all resistance, mental filters, preconceived notions, expectations, and prejudices. So powerful. So hard to practice.

This weekend, I challenge you to let go of the judgments that make you unable to see the fuller picture in which there is a piece of meaning waiting for you. I will try to do the same.