Lessons in death

Today I learned someone died. She was someone I have known for almost five years. She died less than 2 months after being diagnosed with cancer. She was 64 years old.

A week ago I learned someone else died. She was someone I have known all my 37 years. She died less than 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer. She was 89 years old.

At the end of one life, she appeared to be filled with regret, bitterness and misery. At the end of the other life, she appeared to be filled with a sense of satisfaction, completion and fulfillment.

Tonight, before bed, as I sit with a variety of emotions and body sensations running through me (over me), I wonder about each life.

Years ago in ALANON I was taught every life is a teacher, and no one, including the alcoholic, dies in vain. That particular point always stuck with me- probably because it was one of the hardest for me to learn.

Pema Chodron, the Buddhist teacher and nun, tells a story with a similar message. In fact, you can actually watch her tell the story herself if you look her up on YouTube. In the video she tells of a community that had a member who was extremely difficult to live with. Someone who just tried everyone's patience to the core. One day that difficult person left the community (I forget the reason why) and the community rejoiced to be free of this person who was such a thorn in their side. But the head teacher of this community sought out this difficult person to bring them back to the community because this person was the learning opportunity for spiritual growth on virtues such as patience and being nonreactive while experiencing painful feelings like anger & fear.  Virtues all members of the community  needed to learn.

Tonight I will draw from both of my educations, and put together a list of what I have learned from both women's lives. This list is in no particular order and is a combination of both lives combined together.

Let go of the small stuff.
Accept the imperfections of others.
Be bold.
Laugh.
Be mindful.
Don't kick those who are already down and most vulnerable.
Know that sometimes your best will not be enough.
Look for places that the universe is supporting you.
Be courteous & generous.
Be adventurous.
Remember love is abundant.
At some point in your life, live in a place that is overwhelmingly beautiful.
Experience awe toward our natural world.
Don't react based on fear.
Don't wait until your retirement to follow your heart's longing.
Apologize when you are wrong.
Love your loved ones.
Don't be afraid to object even if it makes you unpopular.
Know what you are good at.
Know what you are not good at.
Don't ask permission to take the leap you need to.
Partner up with someone who will be in your corner when you leap.
Travel.
Camp.
Be kind.
Try to trust others.
Respect your elders.
As a woman, don't be afraid to be seen as smart and competent.
Share your knowledge generously.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
Be curious.
Don't be limited by the isms & small minded prejudices of family and society.
Be compassionate.
Try not to personalize.
Wait a day before you send an angry email.
When you lay your head on your pillow each night, feel good about the choices you made that day.

I invite you to consider what lessons you have learned from the lives of those who have died in your life. The lives you admired & the lives which were at times painful to watch. Both have value. Both teach us how to live our own lives more whole-heartedly.