Since getting the email, I felt a need to search the internet for some
tips to mentally prepare myself for this new endeavor.
Here are some of the top website hits I got:
+“8 Survival Tips for Your First Meditation
Retreat” by Marguerite Manteau-Rao from The Huffington Post, May 17,
2010.
+“5 Things That Might Surprise You about
Meditation Retreats” by Brent R. Oliver from Tricycle.com, June 19, 2015.
+“Reflections on a Silent Meditation Retreat: A
Beginner’s Perspective” by Chad V. Johnson, Ph.d from the International
Journal of Transpersonal Studies, 2009.
After reading through these articles, that were all well-written by the
way, I definitely noticed some emerging themes. The first was: pain.
All of the articles took special note to emphasize the physical toll of a meditation retreat.
Over the course of the 5 days I will be rotating between sitting, walking
and eating meditation from early in the morning to well after dinnertime at
night.
As Mr. Oliver notes in his Tricycle.com article,
“After lunch…it [the pain] starts to get intense. Parts of you will
become uncomfortable almost the moment you sit down. Having lost circulation,
other parts—important parts—will feel like they’re about to fall off. By
the middle of the second day, sitting can become agony. Just the sight of your
meditation cushion can become hateful and nauseating. It will feel like most of
your joints have been filled with powered glass and your muscles are just sacs
of fire and ice hanging from your cracking skeleton.”
Damn, Mr. Oliver! Don’t try to sugar-coat it for me will ya?!
Seriously though, this point about the retreatant’s physical pain
threshold and pain tolerance concerns me. In the past year I have had
increasing knee pain, and I’m worried that 5 days of rotating mindful sitting
and walking meditation will really get me up close and personal with
that particular pain sensation in a way I never have before.
In my head I am preparing for this retreat challenge through inspiration
drawn from my oldest friend who is a marathon runner.
This friend is amazing. She’s run
like 5 or 6 at this point and several half marathons. Currently she’s training for our local
marathon next month.
When I go to the marathon events to cheer her on at the various mile
check points like mile 4, mile 15, and of course the big finish line of 26
miles and change, I find myself flooded with excitement for her. I watch the determination on her face and the
persistence in her body as she pushes forward that is beyond moving.
And that is just at the actual marathon.
Never mind that she has trained day in and day out for months before
hand. Rotating between longer and longer
runs. Such a commitment.
Me, I’m no marathon runner. But I do see the value in every so often
pushing the limits of what you think you can do into a whole other sphere. I will hold my dear friend in my mind when my
knees are aching on this retreat.
Another theme in these 3 articles about meditation retreats for new-be’s
is the aspect of silence. A “noble silence” it’s called.
In Dr. Johnson’s article in the International Journal of Transpersonal
Studies, he actually quotes the Spirit Rock Meditation Center’s website
where he attended his first overnight meditation retreat to sum up the
intention of a noble silence.
It says:
“Most of the retreat is held in silence-retreatants do not speak to one
another. Writing and reading are also discouraged, so that retreatants can
better stay with their own present experience as it unfolds, moment to moment.
In this silent and mindful environment, awareness sharpens, the body quiets,
the mind clears, and space opens for insight and understanding to develop.”
Up to now I have really enjoyed the noble silence at the day-long
retreats I have attended. Coming from a day job as a psychotherapist and
a night job as a wife and mother, having a reprieve from actively listening and
empathetically responding to others can be welcomed. So for me, I think I’ll
be like Ms. Manteau-Rao who noted in her Huffington Post article, “the odds are
you will get used to not talking, pretty quickly” on a longer retreat as well.
However, I don’t know if I will feel the same about not writing or
reading, and certainly not about having such limited contact with my 2
children. I am someone who processes almost everything through
words—stating the obvious here, I know—so to let go of that mechanism or tool
for making sense of my experience through language may feel like a loss and
will most certainly be a challenge for me.
And as for the loss of contact with my kids…well, I just can’t think
about that right now except to say to myself, I know they will be in caring,
competent hands.
Though this issue of my children does bring up a notable absence in the 3 articles I found on the
theme of mommy-guilt.
The decision to go away for several days prompts mommy-guilt in a big
way. Now, I say mommy-guilt because I honestly don’t know if it is the same for
dads out there (but I would be interested).
Mommy-guilt however is a particular disorder that presents itself when a
mother decides to spend time or money (or worse, both!) on just herself.
The typical way I cope with this disorder is I begin to rationalize, and
it goes something like this:
o “I’m being a good role model to my kids.
Showing them through my experience that there is value in cultivating a
spiritual life.”
o Or, “I would be supportive of my husband
doing a similar kind of retreat.”
o Or, when the guilt is really overwhelming: “Spending
time and money on my spiritual development will help me in my career which is
beneficial to the whole family.”
To be honest and
fair, I sincerely believe all 3 bullets above.
But that’s not the point of course.
The point for me is to just notice the guilt, to tolerate the guilt, and
practice a whole lotta self-compassion.
I will also continue to look for articles on this same subject to learn
from the experiences of other seeker-mothers.
Another thematic absence from these articles that seemed noteworthy to me
was regarding spirit and faith.
I am very much aware that mindfulness meditation retreats are inclusive
for all spiritual and religious perspectives from orthodox to atheist, and that
is a good thing that is not to be changed I hope.
For me though, mindfulness meditation is a contemplative practice that does bring me into closer conscious
contact with god.
I think this is something very different from what many describe as the experience
of “bliss” that can occasionally visit you in meditation. Not that I’m shooting down bliss. Bliss is
great, and I’ve enjoyed it each and every time she knocked on my meditation
door.
Conscious contact with god is something different though, and would be
like comparing fruits to vegetables.
Which is why for me this retreat brings the word devotion to my mind.
Like my marathon running friend, I draw deep awe and inspiration from
individuals who periodically (or annually) make a decision to commit themselves
to a spiritual practice as an act of devotion to the divine.
Like Lent in the name of Jesus Christ, Ramadan in the name of Allah, or
the practice of annually naming the ancestors who gave their lives for freedoms
I enjoy, making the decision to periodically engage in a grand gesture that
demonstrates the value of this primary relationships seems most sensible to me,
and I look forward to the opportunity.
How have you prepared for a meditation retreat? I would love any tips you
might have.
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